It’s the fact that I’m not for that stuff though?

I’m not OLD but i’m def not young anymore. At the same time i know for sure that I’ve grown and matured mentally to understand what I prefer in life. Maybe not fully need yet but 99 percent of the time I at least know what I absolutely do not want . lol

 I most times am sure that Because I had to grow up quick and becmae a mother so young that maybe I dont prefer the ways of most peple my age because I never experienced the wild parts in my younger years. Same time Im crazy glad I didnt go through a lifestyle of the wild because I semi experieced so much of the wild stages way too early . I knew I wasnt a partier even before I became a young mom at just 18/19. I never cared for finding and attending the wildest parties yet somehow ended up at way too many of them off whim. I never liked to drink yet have stories galore of drinking days and nights with friends and people I dated at the time, enough to remind myself that I did have a somewhat experience. The scary part is I did so much of it at way too young of an age. I really don’t always even know how I was in those situations or how I was never questioned most times. And for years after I even questioned how I never became attracted to the party life or had any sort of addictions.

I think after finding out I was pregnant at 18 my senior year, I knew I had to grow up fast. I wish I was grown maturely at that age to know what I was choosing to take on I admit. I had a huge support system and maybe because I was adopted, I knew that my dedication would go towards my daughter and no longer myself. Without judgement but more of a wonder, I see young parents today and watch as they serve their own needs and priorities aside from their parenting life. I say I don’t judge because sometimes I’m more jealous than ever.

I wonder, “ how do they party and vacation and have time for themselves without their kids …. and so often? “. I think its amazing and healthy but I also wonder how that child reflects back on that life . Of course none of my buisness but I do honestly relate it to the feeling I felt as a child whenever my own parents would do things so often without myself and my siblings.

I think knowing again that I’m adopted , I’ve always wondered how the heck my bio parents could have chosen their own needs over the life of my own. I know they did at the time , what was right for them or self help that they needed . But it still makes me wonder of course. And I thankfully and gratefully love the outcome, that I got to be chosen into a new life and family from it. But how do you not wonder ?

Just opinion .. Just a wonder..  

How do you know that you are to bring a child into the world , and allow that child to become your side priority . I guess I see something so precious and valuable as a in , a human life that that Id assume or hope would, become your full priority until the age that they are able-so to be on their own path , specifically in this case , the age that according to common law a child is now an adult not just old enough to stay at home . I guess I see, in my opinion, any way other than that as selfishness, but again no judgement.

I get needing to focus on self. My question is if you, yourself, know that you are needing to work on self, and need your life to focus on yourself, priorities for self, how could do you ever imagine bringing a child into the world yet. I guess that was what went through my mind that it was time to grow fast because of what I chose , to become a mother .

I get told often , to find my needs these days and go out and have fun. I hear it as “ UHG just be normal Sarah ! “ or “ fit in !”..

It hard to explain to those that push this to me, that I am happy believe it or not. However there are days where I scream inside asking “ why am I not out , why am I not having fun and doing liek what these others are up to “. AND within seconds I’m giggling because I truly don’t want to have those things. I’m complete with on at the moment. I’m happiest in the comfort of my things. I enjoy the random drives to nowhere special. I prefer finding things new and weird versus planned and budgeted. The thing is I enjoy both the fun life but right now I’m okay ! lol

Okay, yes I enjoy a fun outing or party or meetup. But I also am more so great on the days without the constant plans and gatherings where no one shares the same interests. This is probably where my lack of empathy kicks in, but I don’t want to vent about how shi**y a friend of a friend is or have counseling sessions drunk. lol I’m picky but also I’m fine. I’m good at playing well with everyone but I’m horrible at playing a part especially if it involves playing a character to make the scene complete. I’m not here to impress anyone and way too over to try to fake it to make it . If imma fake anything it Will be announced I promise.

I sometimes wonder how people haven’t grown up yet past the high school phase. Then I wonder why am I still not past the scared life phase. Maybe its easier to keep living in the youth vision for ourselves and to keep that happy level to bypass having to focus on the adult struggles. ANd I get that. Sometimes I wish if I was good at faking anything it would be to live like I never grew up. Maybe at least that way when people assumed that I’m someone that is out there living life like most photos on social media show (and a pic online is only a highlight of page out of a person’s actual life) but that maybe I should be doing as society does and just “Live”.

And back to the part where I’m wondering but for what lol. It’s hard for me to fully explain what I mean writing this as My brain is literally thinking on rapid speed. But I love that I’m on a complete other path that’s what society presents us especially the view that social media engages us to. I love seeing everyone living life the way they intend. I just choose to give mine towards my two priorities that I chose to bring into this world without their asking, as my first need. And I’m not saying that I’m neglecting mine. I’m just not using my own needs the same as the world as a collective might.

ANd thats where I wonder “ uhg sarah, why are you just not nomal ? WHy dont u just make youself fit in “ , and why are yall bullying me ! jk lol Rude. lol

STay Derpy ;p LOL

-Sarah Slurpie